Take the Attribution Tag Challenge
As I was skimming through a Young Adult adventure novel, I couldn’t help but notice the author’s use of attribution tags (said so-and-so).
Here’s a sample, excerpted from five pages of dialog between the narrator (“I”) and her new friend, whom I’ll call “Sara.”
I spelled each attribution tag exactly as the author did.
I’ve removed the dialog so you’ll see only the attribution tags (which, in every instance, follow a character’s direct quote:
Sara proposed.
she explained.
I wondered.
Sara offered.
I proclaimed.
Sara inquired.
I shuttered.
Sara stated in love.
I reasoned.
she explained.
I asked with excitement.
Sara instructed.
Sara shouted.
I cheered.
I dreamed.
encouraged Sara.
Sara detailed.
I screamed.
introduced Sara.
Sara suggested.
I cheered.
Here’s your challenge:
- What’s wrong with these attributions?
- What’s right?
- Based on these attributions, what do you imagine is happening in this chapter?
- What advice would you offer the author in how to structure attributions?
Coming next: Where to put attribution tags, and how to punctuate them.
My first question is whether the character “shuttered” (as in closing a window) or “shuddered” (as in reacted negatively to a comment)? The first might suggest a desire for privacy, the other for relief!
The main issue here is that this author is not “showing” the reader, but rather “telling” what is happening. Not only does this (perhaps unintentionally) insult the reader’s intelligence, it also makes for a less than satisfying read.
I’m not sure what I’d comment as right without reading the actual piece, but I do have a friend who would say (from her personal experience) that the name Sara is spelled correctly :).
It’s difficult to tell what’s going on here, but according to the descriptives, something involving a great deal of emotion–unless the author is choosing descriptives that don’t match the intesity of the moment.
I would advise the author to express some of the emotion in the body of the dialogue and therefore eliminate a number of the attribution tags all together. Another way to do this is to offer “pictures” of the character’s body language. For example, instead of the tag, “I wondered”, the author could have the character scratching her head or wringing her hands (or whatever is appropriate to the content of the dialogue).
My first question is whether the character “shuttered” (as in closing a window) or “shuddered” (as in reacted negatively to a comment)? The first might suggest a desire for privacy, the other for relief!
The main issue here is that this author is not “showing” the reader, but rather “telling” what is happening. Not only does this (perhaps unintentionally) insult the reader’s intelligence, it also makes for a less than satisfying read.
I’m not sure what I’d comment as right without reading the actual piece, but I do have a friend who would say (from her personal experience) that the name Sara is spelled correctly :).
It’s difficult to tell what’s going on here, but according to the descriptives, something involving a great deal of emotion–unless the author is choosing descriptives that don’t match the intesity of the moment.
I would advise the author to express some of the emotion in the body of the dialogue and therefore eliminate a number of the attribution tags all together. Another way to do this is to offer “pictures” of the character’s body language. For example, instead of the tag, “I wondered”, the author could have the character scratching her head or wringing her hands (or whatever is appropriate to the content of the dialogue).
If the character’s comments are crafted well, the dialog tag could be redundant. “Stop!” she screamed. As a reader, I got that she screamed it. Now I feel written down to and that the author should have used the dialog tag for more valuable information I didn’t already know. “Stop!” She raised her arms, blocking the crowd from rushing into the toxic building. “Thanks for this terrific reminder,” she typed. Oops!
If the character’s comments are crafted well, the dialog tag could be redundant. “Stop!” she screamed. As a reader, I got that she screamed it. Now I feel written down to and that the author should have used the dialog tag for more valuable information I didn’t already know. “Stop!” She raised her arms, blocking the crowd from rushing into the toxic building. “Thanks for this terrific reminder,” she typed. Oops!
I like your explanation, Beverly. Readers shouldn’t feel talked down to, or, as you say it, “written down to.” Authors must give readers credit for having an imagination.
I like your explanation, Beverly. Readers shouldn’t feel talked down to, or, as you say it, “written down to.” Authors must give readers credit for having an imagination.
[…] Contact ← Take the Attribution Tag Challenge […]
[…] Contact ← Take the Attribution Tag Challenge […]
“suggested” doesn’t bother me, especially if you’re writing some fast paced dialogue between two characters who are brainstorming. Example:
“We gotta figure out who’s killing all those people,” David said. Time is running out.”
“I agree,” Paul said. “But what can we do?”
“I don’t know. How can we find where they’re based?” David paced back and forth in frustration, feeling the minutes slipping by.
“How about finding the pattern on a map?” Paul suggested.
Thoughts?
“suggested” doesn’t bother me, especially if you’re writing some fast paced dialogue between two characters who are brainstorming. Example:
“We gotta figure out who’s killing all those people,” David said. Time is running out.”
“I agree,” Paul said. “But what can we do?”
“I don’t know. How can we find where they’re based?” David paced back and forth in frustration, feeling the minutes slipping by.
“How about finding the pattern on a map?” Paul suggested.
Thoughts?
I like the way you use “suggested” in this dialogue. It doesn’t sound intrusive to me, likely because you didn’t overload the snippet with attribution tags and you included some action (pacing) and a sense of urgency.
Could you substitute a show-don’t-tell description for the phrase “in frustration”?
I like the way you use “suggested” in this dialogue. It doesn’t sound intrusive to me, likely because you didn’t overload the snippet with attribution tags and you included some action (pacing) and a sense of urgency.
Could you substitute a show-don’t-tell description for the phrase “in frustration”?