Painfully Funny Similes and Metaphors from High School Students

Posted November 14, 2016 | Laura Christianson

Painfully Funny Similes and Metaphors from High School Students | BloggingBistro.comYou can almost feel it, can’t you? That tiny, irritating raspberry seed lodged in your tooth (or worse yet, in your gums).

A good metaphor or simile breathes life into a sentence. It helps the reader’s mind make fresh correlations between smells, sounds, taste, touch.

A bad metaphor kills the sentence deader than a chainsaw murderer wielding a plastic chainsaw from Toys R Us. Get the idea?

Metaphor vs. Simile

Here’s a mini refresher course on the difference between a metaphor and a simile:

  • Metaphor – a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them (as in drowning in money)
  • Simile – Using like or as to compare two unlike things (as in cheeks like roses)

For detailed examples of the difference between metaphors and similes, visit our friends at Grammarly. You’ll also learn about the following types of metaphors:

  1. Implied metaphor
  2. Sustained metaphor
  3. Dead metaphor
  4. Mixed metaphor

Student Essay Examples

One of the best places to find funny figures of speech is in student-written essays. Here are some ‘winners’ from excerpts submitted by English teachers across the U.S. (vote for your favorites!)

  1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
  3. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  5. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
  6. McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  7. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  8. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  9. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
  10. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  11. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  12. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  13. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  14. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
  15. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
  16. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  17. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  18. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  19. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

Question

Which one made you laugh hardest?

Challenge

Compose the most painful metaphor or simile you can. Share it in the Comments.

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45 responses to “Painfully Funny Similes and Metaphors from High School Students”

  1. Keli Gwyn says:

    What a fun post, Laura. #18 made me roar, but #13 was a close second. I got a chuckle out of #5 as well.

    I like to sprinkle similes and metaphors into my stories, but coming up with fresh, fun ones can be as tough as removing a piece of popcorn’s shell that’s wedged between two molars.

  2. Keli Gwyn says:

    What a fun post, Laura. #18 made me roar, but #13 was a close second. I got a chuckle out of #5 as well.

    I like to sprinkle similes and metaphors into my stories, but coming up with fresh, fun ones can be as tough as removing a piece of popcorn’s shell that’s wedged between two molars.

  3. Jill Bratcher says:

    These student sentences inspired me to write better, like an on-coming train inspires me to leap out of the way.

  4. Jill Bratcher says:

    These student sentences inspired me to write better, like an on-coming train inspires me to leap out of the way.

  5. Laura, these are adorable…what a great way to start a Monday 🙂

  6. Laura, these are adorable…what a great way to start a Monday 🙂

  7. Katie says:

    Oh jeeze, those are funny enough to make me laugh milk through my nose!

    Vote? I liked them all. Especially: #2, #3, #18 and #19. But the best ones are #9 and #10, because they are hilarious and could also be used perfectly seriously in the right context.

    Excellent!

  8. Katie says:

    Oh jeeze, those are funny enough to make me laugh milk through my nose!

    Vote? I liked them all. Especially: #2, #3, #18 and #19. But the best ones are #9 and #10, because they are hilarious and could also be used perfectly seriously in the right context.

    Excellent!

  9. Number 10 is the most genuinely witty, I think, but number 5 made me laugh the hardest. Hard to pick, though. There are several winners in there. 🙂

  10. Number 10 is the most genuinely witty, I think, but number 5 made me laugh the hardest. Hard to pick, though. There are several winners in there. 🙂

  11. Laughing milk through your nose… now THAT’S descriptive! Sounds painful, though.

  12. Everyone needs a good laugh, especially on Monday!

  13. Laughing milk through your nose… now THAT’S descriptive! Sounds painful, though.

  14. Everyone needs a good laugh, especially on Monday!

  15. Ouch. Painful, Jill! (Good job.)

  16. Ouch. Painful, Jill! (Good job.)

  17. Every time I read these, I alternately laugh and groan. I confess; number 3 is growing on me.

  18. Every time I read these, I alternately laugh and groan. I confess; number 3 is growing on me.

  19. Dthamby says:

    I love #13. Being a dancer it is awesome!
    Here is a metaphor:

    The pain is like the pain when u accedently staple ur tongue to the wall

  20. Dthamby says:

    I love #13. Being a dancer it is awesome!
    Here is a metaphor:

    The pain is like the pain when u accedently staple ur tongue to the wall

  21. Mbherrick says:

    That’s a simile.

  22. Mbherrick says:

    That’s a simile.

  23. Reubenshows says:

    The toucans beak looked like the crayola factory in a 9.1 earthquake.
    my fav was 16

    heres another i made up… The duck was fast across the water like a goose who is also fast.

  24. Reubenshows says:

    The toucans beak looked like the crayola factory in a 9.1 earthquake.
    my fav was 16

    heres another i made up… The duck was fast across the water like a goose who is also fast.

  25. luke says:

    ive seen several of these on one of the first google search ” funny similes” result sights. posted long before this blog entry. students are all over petty plagiarism like porn urls in the cache file of a college library computer (or, like on the internet). colloquial similes – understandable, i love ’em, but “trash bag of veggie soup”? a can of ravioli would be a more accurate fit. also, a multitude on afore mentioned site were anything but similes; some not even metaphors. its a simple concept for crying out loud, as easy as a kardashian or a reality tv “star”.

  26. luke says:

    ive seen several of these on one of the first google search ” funny similes” result sights. posted long before this blog entry. students are all over petty plagiarism like porn urls in the cache file of a college library computer (or, like on the internet). colloquial similes – understandable, i love ’em, but “trash bag of veggie soup”? a can of ravioli would be a more accurate fit. also, a multitude on afore mentioned site were anything but similes; some not even metaphors. its a simple concept for crying out loud, as easy as a kardashian or a reality tv “star”.

  27. luke says:

    i did enjoy some. heres a sample of some memorable ones ive recently found: hard as picking fly sh*t out of black pepper – her vocabulary was as bad as, you know, like,
    whatever – scared, like to a man that with a ghost was marred – the bullet hit like a small, tapered, cylindrical piece of metal being propelled at enormous speeds. and, being from the south – gooder ‘n grits. there are so many great ones from the south: louder than a horse pissin on a flat rock, tighter than a cows @$$ in fly season. most of my favorites can be, lets say inappropriately graphic. nice page. kudos

  28. luke says:

    i did enjoy some. heres a sample of some memorable ones ive recently found: hard as picking fly sh*t out of black pepper – her vocabulary was as bad as, you know, like,
    whatever – scared, like to a man that with a ghost was marred – the bullet hit like a small, tapered, cylindrical piece of metal being propelled at enormous speeds. and, being from the south – gooder ‘n grits. there are so many great ones from the south: louder than a horse pissin on a flat rock, tighter than a cows @$$ in fly season. most of my favorites can be, lets say inappropriately graphic. nice page. kudos

  29. Kaylee says:

    I realize it’s been a couple years since this was posted, but I used #10 in my vlog here: http://youtu.be/Atl7pZZRdBs

  30. Kaylee says:

    I realize it’s been a couple years since this was posted, but I used #10 in my vlog here: http://youtu.be/Atl7pZZRdBs

  31. Jennifer P. W. says:

    #16 , right after #1. My laugh was a dentist drill sinking into decay.

  32. Jennifer P. W. says:

    #16 , right after #1. My laugh was a dentist drill sinking into decay.

  33. LAFFING says:

    #14 and #16 gave me a good laugh

  34. LAFFING says:

    #14 and #16 gave me a good laugh

  35. Todd S. Gulich says:

    He couldn’t tell his head from an ass in the ground …

  36. Todd S. Gulich says:

    He couldn’t tell his head from an ass in the ground …

  37. […] It’s hard to be objective about your metaphors and similes. The bad ones are some of those darlings you’re supposed to kill. Read more comical metaphors and similes here. […]

  38. […] It’s hard to be objective about your metaphors and similes. The bad ones are some of those darlings you’re supposed to kill. Read more comical metaphors and similes here. […]

  39. Hannah says:

    #18 and #13

  40. Travis says:

    He hates writing highschool metaphors like a man afraid of heights, hates climbing ladders.

  41. […] found that one at Painful Similes and Metaphors, and now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to jump quick like a fox, hop like a bunny, and flit […]

  42. I laughed at almost everyone–but #10 about the brother-in-law Phil was my fav.

    How about this one: The meeting with his boss left a bad taste in his mouth, almost as bad as the taste left by the recent presidential election.

  43. Dennis, I liked the one about Phil, too.

    And yours… I’m not sure whether I can laugh at that one, because it’s so true! Thanks for playing.

  44. Eddie Collins says:

    The coach seemed confused, like Joe Biden giving a speech without notecards.
    The bonfire was angry and orange, like Donald Trump after the election results were in.

  45. Donald Knowlton says:

    Number 9 sounds like my daughter talking about me.

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